Like most couples, when Harold and I started dating and moved into our engagement, we hung on each other’s words. We genuinely desired to hear what the other said and the thoughts of the one we were growing to love. Fast-forward a few years into our marriage and you will find the communication in marriage already breaking up.
As a Christian couple living this natural decline in communication in marriage, we decide to work together to reach the communication that reflects our love for each other, while attempting to demonstrate the Biblical descriptions of a marriage. To do so, as a couple, we decided to answer the following questions in our own words.
This is a great exercise to do for your own marriage, so you can stay connected and keep communication in marriage your focus and goal.
Communication in Marriage – The Key to Staying Connected
Why is communication important to you?
- Harold – “Without communication there is no way to know what is wrong, what needs to be fixed, and what it is that is working. It also allows a couple to know each other better, by understanding what makes them the person that they are, thus allowing the spouse to know how to best support or compliment him or her.”
- Dollie – “Communication is the foundation of a relationship, one on which true understanding and shared beliefs can grow. When communication is properly working, there is a natural connection that allows two people to feel exposed on one side and completely safe on the other.”
What makes you feel listened to?
- Harold – “When one listens to you, they do what it is that was said. (I’m still working on conquering this)”
- Dollie – “I feel listened to the most when there is eye contact and responding to the conversation with more than a ‘sound’ of acknowledgement.”
How can you do better in communicating with your spouse?
- Harold – “I need to sit down with my wife, undistracted by anything else around me with paper and pen in hand, to write down things that need to be addressed. Otherwise, I have a track record to forget most everything that was talked about.”
- Dollie – “I have a lot of things that I desire to discuss with my husband, as the head of our home. Our busy schedule and desire to keep our evenings about our family, as well as needing ‘down time’ from the stress of the day, has proved that long conversations need to happen on weekends or on dates. Journaling those things that aren’t time pressing, has helped keep the necessary communication opened.”
When is the best time to communicate?
- Harold – “It depends, but I find once I can step away from work for a half hour or so I can eliminate work from my mind and focus better on what is being said and thus communicate better.”
- Dollie – ”Being a woman, I can communicate most anytime of the day. Realizing this, I need to consider the optimal time for my husband to give me his full attention. Unless it is a pressing matter, I can wait until his attention is there.”
What changes are you willing to do to protect and grow the communication within your marriage?
- Harold – “Make sure, even if it is for a half hour, to set aside time each day, most likely early evening, to talk about our day, our future plans and goals.”
- Dollie – “Not giving my husband ‘information overload’ and prioritize the subjects that needs his timely input within the functions of our family and home. When we have time while driving or at the table, I can chose the items that are less pressing but good things for him to know about the daily parts of our lives.”
In the end, communication is crucial to a relationship and to start rebuilding what may have been lost or protecting what still works.